Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
