I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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