no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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