Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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