When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
