He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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