Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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