whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
