Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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