i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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