she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize