So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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