Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
