Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
