Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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