I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
