There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
