There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
