What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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