I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
