my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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