We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
