I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
