It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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