remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just pee around me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
