Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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