her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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