How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
