Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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