Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
