video games are the ultimate cock blocker
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
