I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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