I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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