No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
