u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
