why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
