Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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