I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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