Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize