that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
