I am in a vortex of obligation.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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