the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
