is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
