yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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