Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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