im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
