Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
