I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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