I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
wow bdsm is so cute
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
