Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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