my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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