White coat. Heels.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My balls are so social today.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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