I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I had to cum in my sink.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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