You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
