Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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