he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
