i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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