I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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