Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
