i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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