Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
