The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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