i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
