If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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