You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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