Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
