So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize