How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
