we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My ass is underappreciated
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
