All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
