i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
