Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
