i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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