If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize