My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
